The Curse of Grace

The Visitor is not an easy read.  It is not what it appears to be, and even if you think you do understand it, it would be best to place such understandings to the side.  Today, for the first time, I am going to share personal insights that are instrumental in understanding why this book cannot be interpreted by anyone; for anyone else.  It is why The Visitor when talking about Knowledge on page 59 says:

He strips you from reason to reveal the truth
For these visions he sees are not yours.
He guides you to knowledge that lives within you
And leaves you - to open the doors.

As outlined in the very first pages of the book, this story moves from fiction to non-fiction without notice or apology.  As described in blogs to this date; there are two parallel stories that run through The Visitor at the same time; a Love Story, and a Story of Love.  However, neither of those stories will lead you to what is in the pages.  Both of those stories are "fictional".  We have yet to explore the Truth of the novel; the fact that the work itself is one of non-fiction.

To help explain the non-fictional basis for The Visitor - today's blog is about "The Curse of Grace".  To some, this concept may seem blasphemous, crazy, distorted or just simply hard to grasp.  However, The Visitor is very intentional in meeting the reader half-way in this discomfort on page 10 where the author shares;

The rumours of who he was were not the reality, but rumours in time became the accepted version of the truth. Depending on who you talked to he was either a mystic, an intellect or just a crazy old man with a bad temper who had chosen to become a bit of a recluse.

This concept that rumour and versions of realities may not accurately depict "Truth", but may still become accepted as reality is important.  The literal description of the Visitor as possibly being a mystic, an intellect or crazy are all just versions or reality.  It is never clarified which version may or may not be real.

So here, for the first time, are personal insights never before shared with others that may lead the reader to have to choose whether the Visitor is a mystic, an intellect or just crazy.  (To the Visitor, it matters not...as stated very early (on page 3); The Visitor was aware of his shortcomings in not being able to see the middle between extremes; however, he would not have changed his understandings for anything. And here, we have the first glimpse into the suffering of the Visitor -  "The Curse of Grace". 

Grace by the understanding of most people is viewed as positive.  As a "blessing" or "comfort".  It is even viewed by many as a virtue.  So to talk about it as a curse, may be strange for you to understand.  However, The Visitor is intentionally very consistent in the non-fictional underpinnings of the central message.  

In Joy and Sorrow (pg 56) the reader encounters the following statement where the Visitor is warning the reader to not make assumptions beyond the moment - but then talks about "pain" and "current state".  This passage, like the novel itself fails to make sense when read from traditional understanding of what Grace is, yet it is doubtful that the reader actually breaks from the rhyme or rhythm of this verse of poetic parable to notice that it is probably discordant with their understanding of Grace.

Do not pre-judge your future
By your current state of grace
For by pain we all are nurtured
Until all sorrow is erased.

Grace to the author is an understanding and acceptance of a Truth which has no need to be defended and may be hard to accept.  It is to face a situation without hope of it getting better, but Faith to accept what is and will be.  It is why the Visitor is described as "hopeless" and goes to great lengths to talk about Faith.

Grace is to accept pain without blame.  Grace is to accept reality without distortion.  Grace is to give up defending, explaining, or victimizing yourself or anyone else.  

The author shares early on (page 2) the central concept of the Curse of Grace when describing who the Visitor was/is:

The Visitor could have been anyone. In fact, he would have argued he was everyone…more or less. He was not extraordinary, he was certainly no angel, and he was far from a saint. He had laughed and cried, felt pleasure and pain, and endured most of the emotional tides
which we have all shared. Perhaps he differed from most of us in his hopelessness. By that I mean he did not believe in hope.
 

It was not always that way. There was a time when he lived every day in hope, but over time the constant cascading disappointments became too heavy a load to carry. It made sense for him to give up on hope and instead anchor himself in Faith - Faith tied to destiny.
 

He would not have been keen to entertain arguments with others on whether life was a series of events open to arbitrary choice or a matter of predetermined fate. Such arguments he felt were fruitless and without consequence. Instead, he was more prone to admire a
perfectly designed system of ordered chaos constantly in flux with individual human choice. He felt there was something beautiful in the concept of unpredictable chaos within an intentional master design: a duality, like body and spirit.

This is the non-fictional underpinning of the Curse of Grace.  Simply put, the awareness and appreciation of a reality that is as dualistic in nature as the Visitor himself. 

Physical - Spiritual; Predetermined - Individual Choice; Chaos - Intentional Master Design.

As the author, I can attest that I have on numerous occasions encountered Grace, but never by my choice or at the time of my choosing.  I have been witness to things I cannot understand, I cannot explain and that defy logic.  Yet those experiences are real.  It has been found while being lost in the eyes of my Beloved while trying to deny Love.  It has been found in isolation and tears when broken down and subjected to intentional hurt by others and struggling to not hurt back.  It has been found in anger for which I can blame no-one; as all anger is owned by the one who experiences it.  Just as all hatred is owned by the one who hate; and blame lies on the conscience of the blamer.

The Curse of Grace is to be aware and to accept.  No matter what the situation.  It is to forgive while hurting.  It is to Love while being rejected.   It is to say a prayer for those who curse you.  Those are the easy parts.  The Curse is where it becomes hard.

It is to let those who you Love suffer rather than betray yourself or the truth.  It is to allow yourself to be judged in cases where defending yourself would allow an opportunity for one to dilute the Truth.  It is to "not forgive" someone (or yourself), when it may be misconstrued as giving relief to a cause for which they are not truly sorry.  At the same time, it is forgiving someone (or yourself) when you are still hurting from damage inflicted when you see that they are hurting themselves and truly ask for forgiveness. Even when you do not want to forgive.

The Curse of Grace is to be aware, and accept that which you do not wish to accept.  To understand that while your body is literally created in pleasure, your soul is born through pain.  

Beginnings are always somewhat vague...

“So how did he come to be here, at the beck of the crow and the call of the stars? If he had been asked, the Visitor would have simply smiled, knowing that beginnings are always somewhat vague, and it is only at the end that clarity begins. Today, things would become clear.                      
 Pg 6  The Visitor”

This blog picks up the narrator speaking on behalf of the Visitor on page 6, answering a question posed to the reader, but answered by the narrators interpretation of how the Visitor may have answered.  This is the first "intermediate" deep-dive of the blog interpretations.  The deep dives prior to this one have been beginner level.  Here, the reader will get the first taste of what The Visitor really is about.  There are clue's sprinkled throughout, but it will take a complete literary paradigm shift to understand, that on the many levels of this story; it is the duality of the Visitor's nature, and the duality of the chapter subject matter which frames the essence of understanding. 

Most readers who might try to ascertain the meaning behind the three sentences on page 6 might well focus on the crow, or the stars.  While the images of the crow and the stars are symbolic; the real meaning is to be found in the words which slip by unnoticed.

To be sure there is a lot happening here in these three sentences.  It is hard enough to wrap your mind around the idea of the various forms of communication that are happening.  The narrator asking the reader a question; the narrator claiming to know the answer asked to the reader by imposing thoughts onto the Visitor, and in the Visitor's assumed answer without a word from the Visitor, but rather an answer of silence portrayed by a smile assuming knowledge.  All this finally wrapped up by an assertion of the narrator that "Today, things would become clear".  But clear to who?  The Visitor, the reader, the narrator?  

At this point, most readers will actually have lost track of the question, which is simply..."So how did he (the Visitor) come to be here?"   It is the notion of "here" that will become clear.  

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Remember that this novel takes place after the death of the Visitor.  So is here a geographical location?  No, that is explained in depth that the Visitor leaves the city with his Beloved and returns only the eve of his death.  We know geographically, more or less where he is.

So is the "here" being referenced something else? A state of mind, of peace, or awareness? Most readers will not even question this.  However from the perspective of the "author" the here being referenced is closer to a state of "awareness", but also one of acceptance (eve of death), but yet more to the point...a state of "Grace".

That is there "here" being referenced.  Remember, the Visitor already argues against the existence of "time" being anymore than a physical notion.  And time and space to the Visitor are relative.  What the Visitor talks about more is "the procession of life" from the body housing the seed of the Spirit - and about growth through Love.  The "here" is really referring to a "state of Grace".  

So the real question is..."How did he (the Visitor) arrive at a state of Grace (here)?.

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From page 2 in the chapter Corvus we already are aware that the Visitor’s state of Grace is not due to any unearthly personal attributes.  The Visitor could have been anyone. In fact, he would have argued he was everyone…more or less. He was not extraordinary, he was certainly no angel, and he was far from a saint.

As such, any such state of Grace the Visitor is in would seem to be attainable to anyone or possibly even everyone. Perhaps a hint to how he came to this state of Grace may be found in the chapter on Prayer.  In that poetic parable (the story within the story) we hear the Visitor’s recorded words as:

Words are not required to speak to the spirit.

If you forget how to pray, then be still.

Stay silent and listen - and your soul - you may hear it

Faith like Grace, is more than free will. 

This idea that Grace is more than free will takes us to the notion that you can’t simply “want it” or “make it happen”.  It is more than free will.  So, this state requires something outside of personal control (or free will).  If the reader can hold the entire context of the novel at once, then within the idea of “Grace, and awareness, and acceptance” you might refer to the poetic parable on Knowledge, where the Visitor shares:

That being said, understand what I say

Your prayers - they are still being heard.

So, let no man ever stand in your way

Of accepting or rejecting the word. 

Simply put…the idea that your prayers are being heard (even if your may wonder if that is the case) is contrasted with the idea of never letting any man stand in your way of accepting or rejecting.  So the idea of knowledge, attached to prayer, being heard is outside the realm and control of others… if you don’t allow others to interfere.   This is reinforced again in the central message when you take stanza six on the poetic parable on Prayer into consideration.

I wish I could teach you how to pray in words,

But God listens not to your muttering,

Except for the times He Himself can be heard

Through your lips at the time of His choosing. 

Here is the connection the “your prayers being heard”…but now the tricky part in describing “the state of Grace”.   Here the Visitor states that God listens not to your mutterings…except when He Himself (capitalized therefore referencing God) utters them through your lips at the time of His choosing. So it’s more than freewill.  There is intervention to attain this “state of Grace”.  You can’t simply choose it to happen.  Yet, your prayers are being heard…but not necessarily through your words or at the time of your choosing. Sound familiar?

Romans 8:26 In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words;

So all that said...we might now understand that what becomes "clear" is "how the Visitor arrived at this state of Grace"...but we still don't know how he actually arrives there.  Even with this interpretation, we only understand the question - not the answer.

To understand the answer requires the reader to digest the full Corvus Chronicles. Remember, The Visitor is only the beginning of the Corvus Chronicles - and as already stated clearly...'Beginnings are always somewhat vague".  So while the answer may not yet be revealed, at least now you understand the question.

Until next time...Journey in Love

Michael Paul