The Visitor is not an easy read. It is not what it appears to be, and even if you think you do understand it, it would be best to place such understandings to the side. Today, for the first time, I am going to share personal insights that are instrumental in understanding why this book cannot be interpreted by anyone; for anyone else. It is why The Visitor when talking about Knowledge on page 59 says:
He strips you from reason to reveal the truth
For these visions he sees are not yours.
He guides you to knowledge that lives within you
And leaves you - to open the doors.
As outlined in the very first pages of the book, this story moves from fiction to non-fiction without notice or apology. As described in blogs to this date; there are two parallel stories that run through The Visitor at the same time; a Love Story, and a Story of Love. However, neither of those stories will lead you to what is in the pages. Both of those stories are "fictional". We have yet to explore the Truth of the novel; the fact that the work itself is one of non-fiction.
To help explain the non-fictional basis for The Visitor - today's blog is about "The Curse of Grace". To some, this concept may seem blasphemous, crazy, distorted or just simply hard to grasp. However, The Visitor is very intentional in meeting the reader half-way in this discomfort on page 10 where the author shares;
The rumours of who he was were not the reality, but rumours in time became the accepted version of the truth. Depending on who you talked to he was either a mystic, an intellect or just a crazy old man with a bad temper who had chosen to become a bit of a recluse.
This concept that rumour and versions of realities may not accurately depict "Truth", but may still become accepted as reality is important. The literal description of the Visitor as possibly being a mystic, an intellect or crazy are all just versions or reality. It is never clarified which version may or may not be real.
So here, for the first time, are personal insights never before shared with others that may lead the reader to have to choose whether the Visitor is a mystic, an intellect or just crazy. (To the Visitor, it matters not...as stated very early (on page 3); The Visitor was aware of his shortcomings in not being able to see the middle between extremes; however, he would not have changed his understandings for anything. And here, we have the first glimpse into the suffering of the Visitor - "The Curse of Grace".
Grace by the understanding of most people is viewed as positive. As a "blessing" or "comfort". It is even viewed by many as a virtue. So to talk about it as a curse, may be strange for you to understand. However, The Visitor is intentionally very consistent in the non-fictional underpinnings of the central message.
In Joy and Sorrow (pg 56) the reader encounters the following statement where the Visitor is warning the reader to not make assumptions beyond the moment - but then talks about "pain" and "current state". This passage, like the novel itself fails to make sense when read from traditional understanding of what Grace is, yet it is doubtful that the reader actually breaks from the rhyme or rhythm of this verse of poetic parable to notice that it is probably discordant with their understanding of Grace.
Do not pre-judge your future
By your current state of grace
For by pain we all are nurtured
Until all sorrow is erased.
Grace to the author is an understanding and acceptance of a Truth which has no need to be defended and may be hard to accept. It is to face a situation without hope of it getting better, but Faith to accept what is and will be. It is why the Visitor is described as "hopeless" and goes to great lengths to talk about Faith.
Grace is to accept pain without blame. Grace is to accept reality without distortion. Grace is to give up defending, explaining, or victimizing yourself or anyone else.
The author shares early on (page 2) the central concept of the Curse of Grace when describing who the Visitor was/is:
The Visitor could have been anyone. In fact, he would have argued he was everyone…more or less. He was not extraordinary, he was certainly no angel, and he was far from a saint. He had laughed and cried, felt pleasure and pain, and endured most of the emotional tides
which we have all shared. Perhaps he differed from most of us in his hopelessness. By that I mean he did not believe in hope.
It was not always that way. There was a time when he lived every day in hope, but over time the constant cascading disappointments became too heavy a load to carry. It made sense for him to give up on hope and instead anchor himself in Faith - Faith tied to destiny.
He would not have been keen to entertain arguments with others on whether life was a series of events open to arbitrary choice or a matter of predetermined fate. Such arguments he felt were fruitless and without consequence. Instead, he was more prone to admire a
perfectly designed system of ordered chaos constantly in flux with individual human choice. He felt there was something beautiful in the concept of unpredictable chaos within an intentional master design: a duality, like body and spirit.
This is the non-fictional underpinning of the Curse of Grace. Simply put, the awareness and appreciation of a reality that is as dualistic in nature as the Visitor himself.
Physical - Spiritual; Predetermined - Individual Choice; Chaos - Intentional Master Design.
As the author, I can attest that I have on numerous occasions encountered Grace, but never by my choice or at the time of my choosing. I have been witness to things I cannot understand, I cannot explain and that defy logic. Yet those experiences are real. It has been found while being lost in the eyes of my Beloved while trying to deny Love. It has been found in isolation and tears when broken down and subjected to intentional hurt by others and struggling to not hurt back. It has been found in anger for which I can blame no-one; as all anger is owned by the one who experiences it. Just as all hatred is owned by the one who hate; and blame lies on the conscience of the blamer.
The Curse of Grace is to be aware and to accept. No matter what the situation. It is to forgive while hurting. It is to Love while being rejected. It is to say a prayer for those who curse you. Those are the easy parts. The Curse is where it becomes hard.
It is to let those who you Love suffer rather than betray yourself or the truth. It is to allow yourself to be judged in cases where defending yourself would allow an opportunity for one to dilute the Truth. It is to "not forgive" someone (or yourself), when it may be misconstrued as giving relief to a cause for which they are not truly sorry. At the same time, it is forgiving someone (or yourself) when you are still hurting from damage inflicted when you see that they are hurting themselves and truly ask for forgiveness. Even when you do not want to forgive.
The Curse of Grace is to be aware, and accept that which you do not wish to accept. To understand that while your body is literally created in pleasure, your soul is born through pain.
